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buttonkitty - Sunday, September 28, 2008 12:59:46 AM

nobody@vox.com(buttonkitty) — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 00:59:49 -0400

Seriously.. has it been over a year already????
wow.
That's not right.
You'd be surprised at the number of times I think about updating this blog. really go through what I'm gonna write about, think it all out, only to KAPOW!

Nothing.

I should change this. I should change a lot of things. Admitting the problem is the first step, right?
I want to make this a priority. This. Art.
It's like I know all the how-to's the should do's.. it's the actually action.. the forging forward. the first step that I seem to stumble on. Sometimes I feel like I need a mentor, or a life coach or something. Someone to kick my ass into gear... to remind me that I already know, and JUST DO IT ALREADY.
I'm always trying to figure out what I'm so afraid of.
I gotta let that go.
Drop the fear.
YOU MUST PRESS ON!
hahaha. (ok that's probably only funny to me and Jamie.. but there's this story involving an awesome woman, a girl scout troup camping trip, a bear, and the advice that there IS a bear, SO WE MUST PRESS ON!)
I digress.

Sunday was StART on the Street.
It was awesome as usual. And I relearned some craft fair lessons I already knew, but seemed to disregard.

tables of awesome

1. BUY A TENT ALREADY!
Ok ok I knowwwwwwwwwwwwwww. and now my sunburnt face really knows. We were probably one out of a handful of people that had no tent. This is the 4th (i believe) year I have done this show. I never had a tent. It's the only outside show I do, so I couldn't justify the expense. But really, 4 years later it would have more than payed for itself several times over. So this year, as I set up my tables and the sun scorched my sad little body (that was dumb enough to bring a hoodie thinking it would be cool out), went from 'hey I'm so hot I'm super red'.. to 'Hey! I'm so sunburnt I'm permanently red", I gave in and vowed I would indeed have a tent by next year. Also, beeswax collages + sun = bad. I couldn't display any of my little beeswax wonders because they actually started melting in the sun.

one plus two plus

2. Change is Your Friend.
Bring enough, bring more than enough. I actually did learn this lesson. Last year when I was out of 1's by the 5th customer of the day. This year I had plenty of change, and it was a total relief.

3. Price EVERYTHING.
Tag things, make signs, both. Even then, people will still ask, How much is this??? But it helps to have every thing priced. I know when I'm shopping around, I like to look at items and see the price, I don't want to ask. I'll probably walk away before I ask. I'm shy. Having things clearly priced is also handy if you have to take a break and someone else is watching your space for you. You don't want to miss out on a sale because you're off drinking a giant lemonade and someone wants to buy the ONE thing you forgot to price, and your dear friend watching your stuff doesn't know the prices! Try and avoid that one. Get the lemonade AND the sale. PRICE EVERYTHING!

magnet board and me

I could go on, but then I'd never post this. It's bad enough that it's already February, and I'm just now posting this post that i started in SEPTEMBER, but I gotta start somewhere. Maybe now that this post is out the door, I can actually post current things. That's the idea anyways.

Craft on my friends, craft on.

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4 months in a bucket

nobody@vox.com(buttonkitty) — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 02:21:05 -0400

Wow.
That time keeps on flying. We're losing months here. Someone locate the hemorrhage quick!
A lot has happened. Times they are a changing.
My Grandma K died.
I have this whole entry about her I keep meaning to do, but put off.
The million year relationship is really over and I'm finally moving out.
Moving is not fun. I have to move back to the moms house, because I just don't have the funds, and living here with the now x boy in a one bedroom apartment is torture. Slow horrible torture. Where we play back and forth between arguing and agreeing this is the best thing for everyone one and hooray unknown.
i love unknowns.. but it still makes my stomache churn.
I'm moving one rusty carload at a time. The moms said I could move there but I had to figure out how to get my stuff there. It's slow going. Let's peel the band aid off eeeeextra slow.
for good measure.
and extra pain.
i cried packing up all my clothes yesterday.
Even though this is all my choice and my doing.
My desire.
It's still sad to see all that time gone. And I remember banging in these nails in the side of the closet to hang purses and stuff on when I first moved in here. I remember that day and how good things seemed then. Or was that just how good i wanted them to seem?
i don't know. maybe it's just the history that hurts. the end. the change.
the empty hangers and drawers really did it.
There are like two million memories I've come across in this moving process, since i had to clean out my mom's basement for the 8th time and the room I am moving into.. which lead to having to clean out her computer room also. Needless to say I've come across some gems. Everything from my Cabbage Patch Kids, to every note me and my friends wrote back and forth to each other in like 6th-8th grades. (me and jamie wanted to somehow make them into a book someday...), to my great great aunts teeth she pulled out and rusty tools from when my grandfather owned his own Garage.
Going through all my art here that got wrecked in the awesome bedroom/basement flooding this year was sad. A lot of it was smelly and moldy. I tore off the moldy sections of some more save-able pieces and kept them. I came across these two little studies I had done back in the day when I was forced to make stuff all the time. That was one of the good things about college.

Family Study

Sharing thoughts

So the plus side to my moms house is after reorganizing said basement for the 8 millionth time I can have a studio space down there. Which I will force myself to use. I repeat I WILL USE IT.
Hahaha. If I don't say that loudly enough it won't happen. But it has to. I have to make stuff more. If I'm gonna be an artist then I have to get with it already and dedicate. It's really the one thing I lack. I know it. I'm pretty sure even the cat knows it.
So maybe I'm not exactly moving up yet.. but at least it's out and forward.
Moving is so slow though and I've started to freak out because Start on the Street is right around the corner and I got nothing. I got what's in the etsy shop now and some torn up old stuff. And some things I haven't listed, but nothing substantial. The magnet board is scarily bare. I have so much to make and do and I don't even have an established spot yet. I'm a mess. I'm boxes and caught between here and there. I've been trying to pack faster.
My mom & I sucked all the spiders and the cobwebs out of the basement at least.
It could happen.
In cleaning out the bookshelf I came across a book from this poetry class I took. I like to underline and circle in books sometimes.. if I really like them and their awesome fresh newness has worn off. Anyways. I had only circled one poem in the whole book.

Poem

the end.
for now.

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Burning is fun.

nobody@vox.com(buttonkitty) — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 00:28:50 -0400

I'm still here!
Oh yes.
I made it through March in one whole piece. It wasn't easy. I'm glad there's a whole year between me and the next one. Moving on...
So I've been into making ACEO's lately. I'm all about the beeswax. I really want to get some amber-y/yellow beeswax one of these days. I've only ever used white, which does have a nice sort of cloudy dreamy way about it, but from what I've seen the yellow gives a nice antique looking finish.

Guarding Windsor

I really like how this little guy came out.
I like to think the innocent looking lark took out all the intruders to the castle and that's why the river runs blood red. The nest is made from one of my very last scraps of birdnest paper. I have one little bit about that same size left. I really need to find more. I love that stuff.

Drowning in memories

And my ocean obsession... still there.

Then i decided to whip up a couple regular collage cards. and found the most awesome illustrations about fire safety. I had visions of a classic 2 card set. The second card, that has yet to be made, had an image of a girl wrapped up in a rug. It doesn't get much better. So made the first card and was all proud and in love with it and excited to make its brother card. Now somewhere in here is where it gets fuzzy....
I woke up the next morning and couldn't find my new masterpiece anywhere. I looked. I searched. I even cleaned off the desk! Meanwhile, I was also doing laundry. No sign of the card. Finally at like 10 at night I take the last load of laundry out of the dryer, and right after i pulled out the last toasty warm hoodie, there it was. My poor mangled, yet extra clean card

Don't run if your clothes are on fire!

Gah!
I really have no idea how that ended up in my pocket. Or how I didn't notice. My favorite hoodie doesn't even have pockets.
grrr.
I'll probably still make the second card, but only because this illustration is just too hard to resist. I think the look on her face says it all.

Firefun

I can't believe it's already technically Friday.
Another week gone by.
Anyone perfected that time stopping magic watch yet?

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belated holiday artness

nobody@vox.com(buttonkitty) — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 00:38:35 -0500

So, it's a new year..
and better late than never still stands.
So here are some pictures from the Holiday Arts @ the Station art show we did back in December.

books @ Haats 06

Overall it was pretty awesome. people were wonderful and nice. and I wish I was better at keeping names and faces right.
I mean well!

hooray for buttons!

Being right next to the band was not the best.. but you win some you lose some. and I left with a smile on my face.
oh and I got to see Fruitcake! who is superbad in all the best ways.
Check out her stuff already!
I'm extra proud that I actually remembered to take pictures this time. I always forget and swear about it later.

Holiday Arts @ the Station 06

It's nice to have something to remember it all by and always interesting to see how the the old setup changes through time. The first show I ever did I had the buttons in muffin tins, and a small metal platter for a magnet board.

Ant 04 - First Show evar

Later when I upgraded to the big framed picture magnet board, I used my cats scratching post to stand it up against. Wire is your friend. The picture with the autumn table covering is from Start on the Street, the last time I used the catpost, and my first outdoor show. The whole display got taken out by the crazy hurricane like winds at least twice, but it was still a great experience. I have no pictures from Start on the Street 2006, which is sad, because it was awesome too.

StART on the Street 04

So, the catpost has since crumbled, and we built little legs with hinges so the magnet board stands all on its own. It's so much easier to set up than my McGyver style catpost and wire setup ever was. I can't believe it's been this long. I like to think 2007 will bring even better things.
Growing, growing, trying, more.
Come along for the ride. It might even be fun.

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the release of completion

nobody@vox.com(buttonkitty) — Thu, 05 Oct 2006 23:58:30 -0400

So i finally finished this painting for my uncle. I was supposed to make it for his last birthday, and then for Christmas. but he was gone to rehab, at christmas, so i got a reprieve and more time to put it off.
So I had glued some tissue paper on there.. and a neutral color, and that was it for months.
It sat at the end of my bed taunting me to finish.. but of course i put it off till the very last minute. Which it was, but it wasn't. I had been thinking all that time... of how to do it. i made some half finished mini collages. i thought about what to include. i flip flopped between making a painting, painting. like something that more resembled real life, vs. something i would make. and when it came down to it, i just did it how i wanted. because it's supposed to be from me, and it's supposed to hold memories and mean something. I wanted it to remind my uncle of all those times we all spent at that beach. In that house. And maybe how things are now are so left of how anyone could've imagined them to be, but we still have those memories. And i wouldn't trade them in for anything.

Beachpainting

Housedetail

The handwriting text mixed into the ocean are pages from my dad's college notebooks. I like to use a bit of them in things. It's like instant history, it's like spreading my dads memory though my art, even if i'm the only one that knows it's there. In this painting, under the house somewhere, is my dad's signature. I'd been saving that bit of notebook page for awhile. I think it belongs there. Maybe someday, my uncle will be staring at the fabulous paper ocean and notice it in there and smile. I can hope. He really seemed to like the painting when i gave it to him. And everyone else seemed to think it was pretty cool too. It's funny because i'm always really sure things aren't gonna go over well, and it's always alright. must... gain... confidence. haha. one of these days...

Oceanclose

It's nice to have actually finished something. I've been doing alot of that lately. Crossing things off the list actually feels good. really good. It's like i have all these lists of things i want to do, and then i can never choose where to start. it's like there's so many things, and what's really most important? and that leaves me to an hour long discussion with myself over what constitutes *important*. and then time is gone, and nothings done. I realized (actually re-realized) today, that just picking something, anything, and doing it to completion is good. It doesn't have to be the most important. Progress is progress. Onward and upwards my friend, onward and upwards.

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to begin again

nobody@vox.com(buttonkitty) — Fri, 22 Sep 2006 01:40:52 -0400

so.. sometimes.. when im drunk, which is probably the only time i feel ok approaching strangers, i roll into the etsy chat room. and it used to be that people would say hi! and whatnot.. even if they didn't know me.
and then tonight... no one said anything. and i said more things..
and nothing..
and it made me feel invisible.
and its sort of like how that one boy that i dig was too depressed to hang out with me.
its like one of those things that you know..you KNOW you shouldn't take personally.. but at the same time you do.
you start to second guess who you are, and what the point is. and really.
people shouldn't affect me like this. effect? affect?
i don't know.
maybe that's why they don't like me. haha.
and i can't shake that i let the dentist intimidate me with his stare and questions about my life and where i'm going. like fuck him. fuck him and his smug ways and his IS THAT ALL? questions once i told him what i do.
i was like.. that's not enough???
i wanted to cry and hate him at the same time. who the fuck are you?
ugh. sorry my ten year plan isn't as clear cut as yours was to dentist school. some people don't know. some people are exploring and trying to figure this shit out. it's not easy. it's the rest of my life. and maybe i avoid thinking about it, and where i want to be, but hell if i need to justify my life to you while i can barely speak because half my mouth is numb from 2039203 shots of novacaine.
maybe i don't know. is that so wrong?
i'm pretty sure i'm not the only person who hasn't gotten it all figured out yet. i don't know why i care so much. i do but i don't. i mean i say i don't, but the fact that i'm writing about this bullshit makes me rethink that stance.
but i wanted this shiny new blog to be about art, which so far hasn't happened. so here.
a new book.

Bwcover

Bwside

i made this one the other week for the start on the street festival. a book with a canvas cover, gesso'd painted black and covered in the most awesome handmade (not by me) paper ever. if i was paper.. this would be my second choice to be. first being birdnest paper. which i only have a little square left of. ::sigh::
anyways.
me.
i'm rambling. and feeling less shitty now that i've written all this. and maybe i should sleep soon since my pillow is extra soft and this fallish weather begs for blankets.

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